“One doesn’t get married everyday but one also doesn’t get married only to be judged on the anvils of aesthetics.” I believe every woman preparing for her wedding remains torn between these two positions. My realisation towards the end was no different.
After deliberations, my wedding date got finalised in November 2018. We had about 3 months to execute the ceremony. The roka date too came in; it was in December 2018. Within days, I tendered resignation to my then workplace as preparing for the wedding and the roka demanded clock hours and men (as well as women) at work. I wanted to get married in my hometown but didn’t have any luck – the city of the bridegroom & his family was decided as the location.
To help, my now husband’s family started to hunt for a suitable wedding venue in their city. Both sets of parents finalised a wedding venue and we booked it right away. Since this development happened before roka, some relief made its way. It wasn’t until roka that the shock was unleashed – there was a dispute associated with the booked venue. On the advice of our relatives staying in the city, we cancelled the booking. Determined to leave this incident behind, we geared up for a renewed beginning. Our relatives from the city of the venue joined in to help.
What I wasn’t prepared for was the discussions surrounding the choice of bridal attire. Mutuality in decision-making – a concept I had dealt with frequently, however, it is at the time of my wedding that the delicate balance of it all stared at me. My shortlisted picks didn’t appeal to the palette of the family I was entering. So it began – a series of approval before selecting, especially the sangeet and the wedding attire. While I was at it, I ensured a due diligence to my personal aesthetic sensibilities. Sweet vagaries of an inter-caste wedding. My larger concern remained that working remotely with a record of cancelled venue meant we had no time to waste.
Each one of us took up one department and with each day, the pace of preparations became more palpable. Since we resolved to go for e-invites, I decided to design my wedding invitation. It was a gamble considering I am no professional graphic designer. 10 days into this mini-project and there emerged an artwork tasteful enough. Thankfully.
With each item marked done on the checklist, the mind ushered in a set of ‘what-ifs’. What-ifs associated with each aspect of the arrangements and whether it will pan out exactly as we have planned. And with each done checklist came more checklists intimating us of the trousseau, conveyance arrangements of guests, ritual saamaghri and many more still left to be done. All this while travelling back & forth to the city to oversee the arrangements was a constant feature. Silent moments were in a deficient supply.
Many rejected lehengas later, came the wedding day. I assembled myself into my bridal finery and hurried to be the subject of my makeup, hair and drape artists for that day. The stillness allowed for a temporary pause to tap into the untold. I realised how family makes for the most resourceful event-managers yet also the most underrated. Before immersing myself into the preparations, I never expected the exhilaration of preparing to wane yet the knowledge of being able to do beyond choosing my bridal attire was satisfactory. Throughout, the Emotions meandered, experienced their own peaks and troughs, often even feeling like being stuck between ridges. However, that was the time to tuck them in. The journey had a hard stop the previous day; at that point, it felt like a moment of the final showdown.
A videographer captures each moment of the wedding ceremony for posterity but what leads to that day – the travails of preparing and each family member personally curating each detail to make every moment unforgettable – all of it remains forever uncatalogued. I couldn’t escape the wistfulness, upon realising this. Before I knew it, it was time for some pre-ceremony bridal shots. On completion – carrying my lehenga, jewellery and nervousness, I made my way to the aisle with the will to make each moment count that justifies the labour. Later, we progressed to the stage – the stage where the aesthetics of the wedding culminate and rituals of the ceremony begin.
Photos Credit: Band Baaja Capture
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